Category: Safe Haven
I was just wondering what you all think about keeping secrets. I found out yesterday that a co-worker and friend with whom I have shared some secrets with has been telling them to at least one other person. Now, whenever someone tells me something and asks me not to tell anyone, I keep my promise not to tell anyone, and I thought she did too. She has told me some pretty private and potentially embarrassing things about her private life that I know she wouldn't want to have spread around at work. But one day we were talking about another co-worker whom I had heard some gossip about, and I told her I needed her to keep it to herself until this person herself decided to tell people, she went ahead and told one other person. When I confronted her, she said "Oh come on, everyone does it. Everyone has at least one person they tell something to after being told not to tell anyone." I assured her that if I told someone I would not tell anyone, I meant it. I do not have one person I go tell everything to.
So, I'm just wondering how you all feel about keeping secrets and confidential information. I know it is wrong to gossip, but this information I shared with her was sure to come out within a week anyway, I just overheard it earlier than I was supposed to and wanted to share with someone I thought I could trust.
This is a very interesting topick.
Personaly if somebody tell me something and they say that is a personal thing i wouldn't say it to anyone.
But i know some people who can't keep anything for themselfs. I think these people are in two groups.
The first group of these people even if they say things they shouldn't do is because they can't keep their mouth shut but they don't think of the bad results this might be. They don't have bad intentions by doing it.
The other group of people they just know very well what they say and the person they say it just to cos trouble and they find it fun.
I've kept a secret for over a decade on pain of death and I will never reveal it..I would only reveal a secret if the person concerned seriously abused my trust in return.
Becky, sorry your onfidence was violated. I won't say I've never told a secret, because I'm sure I have by my nature as being human. I think Mark Twain said it pretty well, though: "Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead." Having gotten my cynicism out of the way, I view confidences and secrets as sacred trusts nowadays. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror and feel good about what I do. Based on that, I try extremely hard to keep confidences under wraps. No matter what happens, I try not to violate the trust of even those who betray me, just because they did is no reason for me to do the same. I'm talking the ideal here and what I strive to do in my relationships with people.
Lou
There is an Icelanic saying which goes, "if 3 people know, the whole nation knows", whereas I think it's a bit of an exaggeration it's probably not that much. If I'm told to keep someting a secret I wouldn't share it with anyone concerned, I might share it with my fiance obviously, unless explicitly told not to do so and if it would not be anything that concerned either me or her, but sometimes you can almost take for granted some people such as lovers/husbands, may be best friends, will be told and you have to make it explicit that the person cannot even tell those people. That being said, if it's that important to you you might think twice about telling that person your secret, or go the American way, which is kinda brilliant, and strike up a conversation about it with a complete stranger, aeroplanes are great places to do those types of things, for one thing you're pretty sure never to have to meet those people again, especially if they are going, say, back home to mars.
So, that's my opinion on it, but please keep it secret.
cheers
-the secret Santa, ho ho ho!
Well, as it has already been implied, it's really hard for humans to keep a secret, simply because we all like to tell a good story. Because of that, I usually won't tell very personal things that I don't want the world to know to anyone except perhaps a couple of very trusted friends--if I do, knowing human nature, it's really my own fault if the secret gets out.
Becky, you shouldn't feel bad about what you did. You trusted someone to keep a secret and they let you down.
Your coworker's response is pretty lame: a confidence is a confidence, that's all, no exceptions.
Perhaps one should be expected to tell their significant other (spouse, etc.), but, even that is not a given.
The only time I've revealed a secret was when someone was in physical danger, and, even then I felt guilty about it.
Bob
well, if someone tells a secret to you or and asks you not to tell it, then you decide you have one friend you just have to tell it to and think, she'd never tell anyone, then that friend in turntells someone else who wouldn't tell anyone, then the secret grows and grows, so then the friends' promise not to tell anyone becomes meaningless. If someone else told me a secret then asked me not to tell a soul, I wouldn't tell anyone, especially since usually since it's something private about the person and doesn't have anything to do with anyone anyway. If it was something i thought a person needed to kinow or had the right to know, I wouldn'tpromise to keep the secret in the first place. The friend and co worker certainly did you a bad thing by telling this secret. I always hate it when people use the old everybody does it line as an excuse for what they do.
wonderwoman
Wonderwoman,
That point about someone teelling just one person, and then that person telling just one person, and so on is exactly what happened to me. My friend promised not to spread the word, but she told just one person, and then that one person told one more person, and before I knew it, everyone at work knew.
I use to have trouble keeping secrets when I was little, but now I always keep secrets until it does finally come out into the crowed then I'll say I knew all long! Like if I have a friend who is going to propose to their sagnificant other I keep the secret and then after the fact, I'll say I knew all a long!
I found out that work isn't the best place to keep secrets especially where I work because it always seems to get around some how.
Troy
Gurhrhrhrhr I hate when people spread secrets of mine. I don't have many secrets, I am rather open. Maybe a bit too open. But when there is a secret I want to keep then it really takes a lot of trust for other people until I tell them. I myself have always kept secrets my friends told me.
If someone is going to tell me a secret, I just make a mental note to immediately forget what they've told me the second they're done. It works. lol
Secrets? I know a lot of secrets, but i most of the time keep it to myself. This is to other people who want their secrets kept. First, chose someone you trust before telling them your secret. Another option would be to keep it to yourself. Trust is not a fun game to play with. "Trust is like a vase, once it's broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be same again.” Yeah, it's easy to trust someone, but its so hard or even impossible to regain it when trust is lost, it's hard to go back to how things used to be, so, be careful with your secrets.
lol i like tonks' take on it. no problem for me, i suffer with crs, ie can't remember shit, so ... grin
I've had some spread around. I told one of my good friends a couple, and they got around...I hate it when that happenes, but hey, that's life. Most people do it, but some are very good at keeping them
oh that sucks. I have been burned by people not keeping stuff between you and them. I personally keep everything to my self. Its rude to spread things around especially if your asked not to say anything. I prefer to assume everything that I discuss with some one is our business. just my take!
I think that keeping secrets is ok, although, it does depend on the person that you're telling and if they are trustworthy. My best friend, Rachael, is one of those people where I tell everything to. People tell me stuff all of the time, and I am not the type of person that would go and spread secrets around that are not supposed to be told to anyone.
Oh man, a secret is a secret. If you don't want anyone to know, don't tell a single soul. It's obviously not that secret if you want your friend to know.
I like Joanne's take on it. Make a mental note to forget it as soon as it's been said. LOL. I should try that one. I don't usually tell secrets myself, but that little technique would ensure that I dont' ever slip up.
I know it is a secret, but seriously it doesn't matter if you tell anyone. You should only tell someone a secret if they can be trusted and if they are trustworthy enough to keep it and not tell anyone.
Me personly, i never tell anything that is told to me. I have a massive problem with trust now, because of people doing that to me in the past. If you have a friend that you pretty much concyder your brother/sister, then, you should be able to trust them right? Well, it doesn't always work that way. But, a secret is a secret. I keep them no matter what. Unless the personly spasificly says i can tell my partner or what ever "mums the word". And, like some of you others have said, half the time, they just go out of my head anyway. lol
sky
That's crazy that you have people doing that to you!
Oh, trust me I have some really close friends on here and in life, that I won't mind sharing almost anything with, but if someone says not to tell anyone, I don't. Unless I do it annonomously to get a point across and I make it general enough that no one would know who I was talking about.
Well, I would tell a secret if the person is in physical danger, like an earlier post said.
I agree with trust being like a vase. It's hard to gain back. I don't have many friends I think I could share everything with. I'm careful with that. I tell my fiance, and my best friend whom I consider a sister. That's all. And, as I said ages ago, if someone else tells me a secret, I do my best not to tell it. Unless like Rachel said, anonymously to get a point across.
to the original poster of the topic, I'm with ya. I hate when my business is spread when I'm trusting the person I'm discussing said thing with will keep it to themselves, but I try to be careful about who I confide in.
Yeah, I must agree with the life threatenning thing. I wouldn't mind sharing the secret if it would save a life and only if it would.
Simply put: What a conniving, manipulative bitch! I totally can unerstand your anger and hurt. I have had thisvery thing happen so many times! Obviously I think it's wrong, but I also can't stop people from doing it either. When someone says, "Don't say anything to anyone," I do my very best to respect that. We're not children, this isn't about being 14 in the high school girls' bathroom here. These are grown-ass women who should know how it feels to be betrayed and hurt when someone says something malicious about you or spreads something that you didn't intend to be spread. Gossip is like a weed, once started it's very hard to break from. I used to talk a lot of shit as a young teenager until it got thrown back in my face. Then I learned not to doit. Oviously this particular woman has never experienced that hurt firsthand or she never would've done it. She's got her head so far stuck up her ass she has no clue which way is up. I hate pemle like that. People like that live in a world that revolves around "self" and what "self" can get by serving "self." End of rant.
I definitely wouldn't tell that person any secrets in the future. Lol.